loree: (dragon)
To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to offer up a hale-and-hearty fuck-off-and-DIE to you smug, self-important fitness fascists who see fatness as a character flaw.

Take a reduced-calorie fuck off the end of my dick,
loree: (Default)
It seems I have some sort of talent for scathing letters to people who deserve them. In the past, my vitriolic venting has been reserved for my own entertainment, but for a limited time I am offering my services to you, my friends, for the low low price of... er... nothing.

Want my patented poison-pen perspective on the things that annoy you most? Comment here with the circumstances and I'll do my best.
loree: (Default)
Goddamned exterminators broke my washing machine. It's a front-loader, and it looks like they used the door handle as a grip.... The door handle that was locked because a wash cycle was in progress.

Fuckers are going to pay to fix it. And they're going to pay for wash-and-fold service until it's done, because there's no fucking way I'm sitting in a laundromat for an entire weekend.
loree: (Default)
Attention plus-size clothing retailers:

Perhaps you weren't listening last time. Please permit me to make a few things clear.

1) Just because I am fat does not mean I am devoid of fashion sense. Please learn some moderation in your use of embroidery, wide horizontal stripes, sequins, glitter, plastic jewels, gold paint, beads, polyester, and American flag decals.

2) Fat women have fat hips. Stop making shirts and blouses that stop at the hipbones, thereby calling attention to the widest part of my torso. I don't enjoy looking like my ass requires its own postal code.

3) Sherbet orange, sunshine yellow, chartreuse, and magenta may be the colors of the season, but that doesn't mean they should be the only colors available.

4) At the risk of seeming homophobic, ageist, or culturally insensitive, I want clothes that I can wear to work. This entails options that allow me to dress in a style befitting neither the Mother-of-the-Bride nor a Puerto Rican drag queen.

5) Large floral patterns do not distract the eye. They make me look less like a women and more like a couch.

For the love of Jebus,

P.S. - You suck.
loree: (dragon)
Study: Kids' dieting may promote weight gain

Forcing chubby children on diets when they're too young to comprehend the finer points of nutrition screws up their metabolisms and makes it easier for them to become obese adults? Say it ain't so! Nice to know the medical profession is right on top of things I've held as common sense for a decade or more. Fuckers.

(Y'know, maybe I shouldn't be allowed to use the internet when I'm sick. Everything I read is pissing me off.)

Speaking of a decade and that thar intarweb, yesterday marked the 10th anniversary of my first login to LambdaMOO with my own character.


Feb. 15th, 2003 01:53 am
loree: (Default)
Generally speaking, when you dial a wrong number at quarter to two, it's considered polite to apologize to the person who picks up the phone.

Rude motherfucker.
loree: (dragon)
I went to war with Dell's tech support department Monday night.

I know it's a bad sign when [livejournal.com profile] datavore turns off the television to watch, claiming the Customer Service Avenger was more entertaining than anything in the Tivo.


1) Do not be condescending because I have tits and bought retail. I've worked in support longer than I've been able to buy beer. I know more than you do.

2) Do not tell me my operating system is not supported because it is unmodified and not an OEM install. That is seventeen different flavors of bullshit, none of which tastes like chocolate.

3) Do not sell a top-of-the-line system that you do not intend to make compatible with the next operating system.

4) Do not refuse to support the OEM hardware you put in this machine. That is not what my warranty says. If the manufacturer of the card makes an XP driver for it, you damn well better do the same.

5) Do not make me demand to talk to a supervisor five times. It makes the Avenger want to reach through the phone and feed your own liver to you.

6) Do NOT tell me to go back to Windows ME. See above, Re: your liver.

Eventually, I got to a supervisor who was able to give me some suggestions that, while unsupported, at least had the possibility of giving me a functional soundcard. The Turtle Beach Santa Cruz driver for XP works just fine on the OEM version of their card.

In conclusion, tech support is a land of contrasts.


loree: (Default)

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